How to Be Happier: Focus on the Little Things
You’re probably already aware of the little things that make your life feel richer. It might be watching the sunrise, from a cozy perch. Maybe it’s the hug from a grandchild, or a grandparent. But if we truly want to learn how to be happier, one way is to intentionally focus on the little things you know make you happy and work out from there.
This can start with building into your day the little things you’ve already identifying as high points. Then, start thinking about related people, events, activities or moments you could either begin or expand upon. It may sound obvious, but this kind of intentional action is often surprisingly absent from our daily schedules.
How to be happier in the now
We spend so much of our lives waiting, for the promotion, the vacation, the moment everything finally comes together. But what if happiness isn’t hiding in those big moments at all?
There’s a concept in psychology called the arrival fallacy, or the mistaken belief that once we achieve a goal, we’ll feel the sustained happiness we’ve been anticipating. Anyone who’s reached the weight goal, the fitness goal, the job level or even retirement knows is the bliss listed for a bit, but not much longer. The joy arrives, then quickly fades, and we’re back to scanning the horizon for the next big thing.
What we’ve discovered at this stage, and what researchers have documented is that lasting happiness is built not in peak moments, but in the accumulation of small ones.
My husband and I gave each other a splurgy espresso maker for Christmas. We enjoyed it together during the winter months but I was aware of how much more benefit I got from it as I work from home. Just recently he’s begun getting up a few minutes earlier in the a.m., making a cappuccino and drinking it as he watches the sun come up over the lake.
He often comments in the evening what an enjoyable time this is. This is the kind of small thing I’m talking about.
Purposely build the little things that make you happy into your day
Psychologists call it savoring, or the act of deliberately noticing and appreciating positive experiences as they happen. Studies consistently show that people who savor small moments report higher levels of wellbeing, not because their lives are objectively better, but because they’re actually present for them. If you want to learn how to be happier, start here.
This “being present for the moments” is not only my husband’s early a.m. cappuccino, but his reference to it as the day is winding down. I’m paying attention to how long his appreciation of this small moment lasts for him.
The trouble is, our brains aren’t wired for this naturally. We adapt quickly to the good, or a phenomenon called hedonic adaptation, and our attention gravitates toward novelty, threat, and the unresolved. The little things require a little effort to notice. Not a lot. Just a little.
“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of things.”
A new job is another example of this. At first, this new beginning often feels perfect. In short order, however, we often begin to notice this environment has many of the same issues our last environment had.
Even retirement, when reached, can initially seem like nirvana, according to friends who are there. But even total freedom can begin to feel less perfect when we realize we need to actually work at making the days have a purpose.
What “the little things” actually are
Ask most people what brought them genuine happiness last week, and the answers are rarely the grand gestures. They’re the unexpected things: the smell of rain on pavement, an absurd conversation with a friend that went nowhere useful but felt wonderful, or the quick pleasantry exchanged with a stranger.
These small moments don’t mean we don’t also have the big wins. Instead, they layer in with the promotions and the weddings. And, while we’ll certainly remember the promotion, what sticks with us through time is the personal comment from our superior who makes us feel ‘seen.’ These small moments are what we remember, and if we make ourselves available to them, we’ll find they’re available every single day.
How to be happier starts here.
The interesting thing is that while we may even come to a point where we’re consciously noting the little things in our life that make us happy, we still may not be proactive about recreating them or variations of them.
Where to start
You don’t need a gratitude journal, a wellness app, or a new morning routine (unless you want one). You just need to occasionally slow down enough to notice that something small is genuinely good. That’s it. The noticing is the practice.
Make note of it, however that works for you. It can be a ‘mental note,’ a note jotted into a notebook, or a full-on gratitude journal. All that matters is that you note it so you can fully appreciate it and think about ways you might recreate it in a daily or weekly way.
We can’t always watch the sun rise, but we may realize that it’s the wonder-of-nature moment that we really loved. So, a sunset, or even noticing the chatter of birds in spring as we’re on our way somewhere, might recreate the same sense of happiness.
This is what this blog is about. Not sweeping life advice. Not ten steps to a better you. How to be happier can start with the ongoing argument that the small moments are worth paying attention to. They’re where most of life actually lives.
