Ways to Cope When the Holidays Feel Different This Year

The holidays, beginning with Halloween, can feel like a race to the finish. Some years, all the energy and frivolity feel perfect. These are the times when you wouldn’t trade a second of this mad dash. But then there are the holidays when the season just feels a bit different. You feel more like you’re watching from the sidelines, not as a merry participant. Maybe you’re a victim of the mass layoffs. Or you’re sidelined by health issues. Maybe you’re in the midst of a divorce, or have adult kids who for the first time have their own plans.

If the holidays feel different for you, you’re not alone. In fact, there seems to be a slower, lesser movement afoot when it comes to holidays. Fewer decorations, less need to attend every single gathering, party, or celebration. Sometimes, only in the relative quiet can we sense the opportunity not to fight the change, but to meet this season as you are now. Not as you once were.

The myth of the perfect holiday

For decades we’ve been sold a singular image of the holidays: perfectly lit trees, perfectly wrapped gifts, perfectly smiling families. But real life is textured, messy. Traditions evolve, relationships change, and even joyful seasons can hold a thread of melancholy.

This year, rather than striving to recreate a version of the past, consider giving yourself permission to craft something new. Think of the holidays as a living story, one with action-packed chapters and others that serve as transitions to the next. Maybe start to think of your story as being richer, more textured with the variations in your celebrations. Grateful for what was, and hopeful for what will be.

Naming what’s changed

One of the hardest parts of accumulating years is that joy and loss often arrive hand in hand. The holidays have a way of bringing both into sharp focus. Try asking yourself:

• Who or what do I miss this year?
• What feels new, uncertain, or raw?
• What still brings me peace?

Writing down what’s changed, and what remains, can bring surprising clarity. It can be a way of acknowledging the truth instead of fighting it.

Letting go of the old script

Lots of us hold ourselves hostage to traditions long past their season. The 20-person dinners, the frantic shopping, the marathon cookie bakes. These were all lovely events in their time, but sometimes that time has passed. Or, it could just be on pause. How many grandmothers rediscover the joy of cookie baking once grandkids come along?

Letting go, at least for now, doesn’t have to mean giving it up. Try thinking of the opening as a redirect. It can give you the opportunity to recognize that your energy, priorities, and life stage have shifted. Maybe you trade an elaborate party for brunch with close friends, or replace a long drive to relatives with a cozy video call.

You get to rewrite the script. It’s your story.

Why change feels so tender

Psychologists say that traditions act as emotional anchors. They ground us. When those anchors move, even slightly, we feel adrift. But change can also create space for something deeper: authenticity.

This stage of life invites us to be honest about what works for us now. Sometimes that means trimming the holiday to its essence. This will mean different things to different people. But for most, the holidays spark a need for connection, beauty, love, and family. Consider expanding your definition of connection. Of beauty. Of love. And, even family.

Creating new traditions (without forcing joy)

If your holidays look or feel different this year, you don’t need to manufacture cheer. Start small. One small thing can spark the start of something new.

Ideas to try:

• Light a candle each evening and name one thing you’re grateful for that day
• Host a “cozy-hour” instead of a big dinner
• Volunteer at a local food bank or gift drive, i.e., presence, not presents
• Invite a friend who’s alone to share part of your day

When others don’t understand

One of the most surprising challenges can be the well-intentioned friends or family members who say, “But it’s Christmas! Cheer up!” Certainly, anyone grieving during the holidays can point to well-meaning but unbelievably inappropriate responses to their sadness.

The quiet gifts hidden in transition

When the holidays shift, something just as meaningful can emerge. With fewer obligations, you may find new ways to enjoy the season. Taking an evening walk in falling snow. Going to a holiday concert you’ve never had the time for. Just reading a favorite book by a roaring fire. Making intentional choices.

We’re led to believe that quieter holidays are somehow lesser. But there are all kinds of ways to celebrate. Recognizing that while we wouldn’t our kids to stay the same forever, they won’t. This is the way it’s supposed to be. Being understanding and flexible when it comes to others’ holiday plans and traditions is the key. Change is okay and can be a good thing. Even at the holidays.

What healing might look like

When it comes to family and friends that are no longer with you, be open to increments of healing. They can be incredibly small. But maybe one day and realize you’ve smiled at a song that used to make you cry. Maybe you notice you’re no longer comparing this year to last. That’s progress.

Finding beauty in simplicity

In a world that rewards hustle, choosing simplicity can feel radical. But a slower season often reveals the best of the season. Impromptu fondue by the fire. Watching It’s a Wonderful Life for the 100th time. Having a Zoom call with those who can’t make it and needing to resend multiple meeting links because the call goes on for so long.

Looking ahead: Carrying grace into the New Year

Remember this: Every year will bring its own rhythm. That’s how it should be. So instead of fighting it, by trying to recreate a magical year over and over again, stay open to the idea that that doesn’t leave much room for new magic. The holidays that feel different can be the ones that leave us the space to let something new in.

This year may be quieter, but quieter can still be beautiful. Different can still be full. Changed can still be cherished. Here’s to whatever this holiday season brings your way. Write your story.