Just Say ‘Yes’ to Enhance Healthy Social Connections

We read a lot about the importance of social connection in healthy aging. It’s as important as physical and mental health. The message is out; keep your social connections going strong, and always be on the lookout for new ones. One clear way to accomplish this? Just say ‘yes’ to new experiences that come your way.

Why is it so challenging to stay connected? One of the reasons I’ve found it challenging is our lives begin to shift in the Middle+ Years. If we had kids around, we may have become friends with their parents, with no real effort expended. It may have begun as a situational friendship, in that we stood on the sidelines with them every Tuesday and Thursday evening, and that no-effort connection grew into friendship.

Maybe we used to take a fitness class at the gym and we sweated and stretched next to the same three people, four mornings a week. Again, situational friendship may have grown into true friendship.

Work friends are another example. It’s natural to find your people when you see them every day at work, or on Zoom calls. But if you switch jobs, how many of us can honestly say we take those “work friends” with us when we depart?

As our lives shift, we may realize we have no natural connection to these people anymore. Our friends’ lives are also shifting and so both halves of the friendship are in flux as priorities change.

We may go back to work once our kids fly the coup, or we may stop working, for the first time in many years. Aging parents sometimes require our attention, and maybe our health takes a dive, or our joints, or our spouse’s health does.

This is where ‘just say yes’ comes into play

Getting in the swing of new routines, maybe even living in a new location, can eat up not only our newfound time, but also our energy. So, what can be one of the most effortless ways to find new people and new ways to connect? Just say ‘yes’ to every invite that comes your way, even if it doesn’t sound at all up-your-alley.

The void is easily filled

Here’s an example. A colleague of my husband’s who has served in the Minnesota National Guard for a couple of decades was being promoted to Brigadier General. For anyone who isn’t familiar with rank, this is a very big deal.

Honestly, I have very little first-hand knowledge of the military, or the Guard. Very few people in my orbit have served. But the older I get, the more I appreciate the sacrifice made by the men and women who do. 

MISSION
The Minnesota National Guard is under state jurisdiction and can be used by the governor to assist the state during disasters and other state emergencies. In times of war, Minnesota National Guard Soldiers and Airmen can be called into federal active service with the president of the United States as commander in chief.

Attending a Military Ceremony isn’t something I might not have made time for in the past. My mind first went to the fact I’d probably know no one there. And then it went to the fact it would eat-up my Sunday. But something about this tugged at me. So I just said ‘yes’ to my husband, I’ll go with you.”

Just say ‘yes’ exposes us to new things

Protecting our time, whether it’s to advance ourselves spiritually, physically, or professionally doesn’t seem quite as important to me as it once did. Beginning with Covid, then personal tragedy, then health issues, had all served to forcibly separate me from many of my old routines.

No longer doing some of the daily things I’d done for years meant no longer seeing a lot of the acquaintances and friends I’d made through these activities. And since my life had shifted, I didn’t see myself going back to some of them.

I think this is what dawned on me that lazy Sunday morning, motivating me to get showered and attend the Ceremony.

The Ceremony was solemn, and the man being honored and promoted had clearly earned this distinction. His trajectory of work, marriage, kids, wasn’t unusual. But he’d also somehow managed deployments to Kosovo, Iraq, and Kuwait, as well as his National Guard weekend duties. His wife and kids’ role in his both navigating and succeeding in the past decades was honored, as it should have been. The sacrifices they’d made due to his absence were clear. It was an afternoon defined by respect and honor and love.

No regrets

After the Ceremony, all were invited went back to his family home for a Reception. This was another chance to duck out, to head home on a frigid night.

But we went. And there, we connected with more Guardsmen and their families, spoke with a few friends, and met some new ones.

There is no doubt that saying ‘yes’ to this one event I might just have easily skipped, was not only enjoyable, but it was educational, mind-expanding, and social.

I might have left out the weather that day in Mpls. This was easily my top reason for initially thinking I wouldn’t attend. It was 15 degrees below zero when we left for the Ceremony, and colder than that when we left the Reception and headed for home.

The walk to the car in the icy darkness was the only hesitation I’d felt through the entire experience. We had a 40-minute drive home ahead of us, but even that went quickly as my husband and I reviewed all the things we learned about the National Guard that afternoon.

I’m not entirely sure why this afternoon had such an effect on me, other than the fact it signaled a shift in how I would think of events like this in the future. A simple ‘yes’ instead of an even easier ‘no’ meant a new experience, some new friends, and a new appreciation for the impact of people who serve.

Maybe this is how we keep social connections strong as we go forward. We notice the gaps, we welcome the newness, and we just say ‘yes.’