Candy, Costumes, and Coming Full Circle: Halloween Grows Up With Us

There’s a reason we remember our childhood Halloweens so vividly. The smell of plastic masks, the feel of pillowcases dragged across damp leaves, the thrill of seeing porch lights flicker on. And the candy! But even once we were past trick-or-treating, there were the teenage parties, with more adventurous costumes, and of course, candy. After that, there were adult parties that went late into the night. And then many of us kind of turned Halloween over to the next generation as we shepherded kids through the neighborhood or assembled costumes for them. And now, it could be something else entirely. Halloween is a holiday that quite literally grows up with us.

How we celebrate the holiday certainly changes. But with a bit of ingenuity, Halloween can remain a spooktacular (couldn’t resist) opportunity to connect, both with our memories, younger generations and our present selves. The trick is giving a bit of thought as to how to stay connected with the spirit of it all, through the decades.

The sweetest night of the year

For children, Halloween is a night of complete permission. Permission to be bold, silly, spooky, and free. We dress as who we wish to be (princess, ghost, astronaut, cat) and in doing so, try on confidence. We knock on strangers’ doors without hesitation, yell “Trick or Treat!” with unselfconscious joy, and run wild with our friends. No agenda. No to-do list. Just play. Totally anonymous, totally free.

That early joy leaves a permanent imprint. The rituals of carving pumpkins, trading candy, and telling ghost stories begins shaping our our own ideas of how we’d like to be seen in the world. Halloween becomes an early training ground in imagination and belonging. Just think back. How many weeks did you talk with friends about who was trick-or-treating with whom, and what were the optimal neighborhoods to cover. Every kid remembers the houses that give out full-size candy bars every year.

Even as adults, a whiff of pumpkin candle or the sound of rustling leaves can pull us right back to that moment when our small hands clutched our candy bags, our faces glowed in porch lights. The memory of that freedom stays with us long after the costume comes off.

When we become the parents behind the pumpkins

Then, almost overnight, we’re the ones buying the costumes, not wearing them. The shift from candy-collector to candy-giver can feel like a rite of passage, and one that’s equal parts awesome and exhausting.

Those years with young kids are a frenzy of fun and logistics. You become the chief costume designer, the seamstress, the snack packer, the flashlight holder, and the one reminding everyone to “say thank you.” You might start the evening excited to see your child’s joy, and end the night sorting through an avalanche of candy wrappers while they fall asleep in their superhero cape.

But beneath the sugar rush and chaos, these are golden years. We don’t realize how fleeting they are. The neighborhood parades, class parties, and pumpkin-patch photos all fly-by. It’s easy to get caught up in the fatigue of one more costume or bake-sale signup, but one day we’ll look back and see how rich those years really were.

Halloween, in this stage, is about facilitation. We make the magic, even when it’s tiring. We show up, year after year, to build traditions our kids will someday look back on with the same glow we carry from our own childhoods.

When Trick-or-Treat becomes a group project

As kids get older, Halloween morphs again, and becomes less about adorable costumes and more about independence. Middle schoolers want to go out without you. High schoolers want to host a party instead of ring doorbells. And you, once the center of their Halloween universe, become the chaperone on the sidelines.

This phase can feel bittersweet. There’s pride in watching your child grow into their own sense of fun, but also a pang that your role is changing. You still buy the candy, but you’re no longer the reason for their excitement. It’s another of life’s gentle nudges: time to let go, even if just a little. The trick is to evolve with it. Host the pre-party. Make the chili for the after-treating gathering. Invite the parents in for cider while the teens roam.

As a parent of three kids, Halloween was exhausting. The pumpkin selection, the carving, the school parties, the costumes, the candy. Then, the drama over who everyone was going trick-or-treating with, and which of the kids still required parental accompaniment. Then, the neighborhood candy-dump on our family room floor as everyone returned. This was followed by the candy swap, trying to keep the dog out of the candy, etc., etc. I remember years when it seemed like way too much.

But now, I look back on it all and realize these were the days. I regret none of it. To this day, I admonish my kids that we seldom regret the things we do. Our regrets as we get older tend to fall more heavily into the ‘I wish I’d done’ camp.

The costumes return, but this time for us

At some point, we rediscover Halloween on our own terms. The kids are grown. The candy bowl is still full. And there’s an opening. Enter the grown-up Halloween.

No longer about obligation or sugar highs, it’s an invitation to have fun again. To dress up for costume parties or themed dinners. To decorate your home not for children, but for yourself, with pumpkins, candles, and cozy orange twinkle lights that make October feel special.

Maybe you host a “Soup & Scary Movie” night with friends. Maybe you hand out candy and note how costumes have changes with the passing years. Maybe you light a few candles and watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, because some rituals never lose their charm. Or, maybe you just answer the door and feel grateful that you’re on this side of it, now.

When the house is quiet, but the doorbell still rings

There comes a time, whether your children live elsewhere, or you don’t have kids, when Halloween is less about chaos and more about quiet reminiscence. Halloween becomes a reminder of continuity. Every costumed child who runs up your sidewalk is a little reflection of who you once were, and maybe of who your children were too.

You can still feel part of it all by leaning into the season, even if the noise has faded. Create your own rituals: my husband and I still go each year and pick out a pumpkin. We don’t hit the pumpkin patches and hayrides anymore, but even a grocery store pumpkin makes us smile. Some years we carve it, some years we don’t. Either way, every time we see it, it sparks a memories of our childhoods, and our kids’.

How to keep the spirit alive, no matter your age

If you’ve felt a pang of distance from Halloween in recent years, it might be time to reclaim it in your own way. Try creating new traditions that match your current season of life:

• Be the house that goes all in. Decorate, play music, hand out the “good” candy. You’ll become a neighborhood legend
• Host a low-key gathering. Invite a few friends for chili, cider, and a movie. Costumes optional, laughter required
• Give back. Donate extra candy to shelters, or bake treats for a friend who’s feeling lonely this season
• Keep nostalgia close. Rewatch your favorite childhood Halloween movie. Light the same scented candle every October. These little anchors bring continuity and comfort

The beauty of Halloween is that it asks nothing of us except participation. It doesn’t care how old we are or what we’re wearing. It just wants us to play, connect, and live in the moment.

Full circle and still sweet

Somewhere between the candy rush of our youth and the calm glow of our later years, Halloween teaches us something subtle but profound: joy evolves, but it never expires. We may not sprint through the streets anymore, but the same thrill that once made our hearts race can still be found in smaller, softer moments. The pumpkin you and your husband carved. The sounds of kids screaming as they race down the street. Even the chance to eat a bunch of candy.

Halloween, like life, changes costumes. But beneath it all, it’s still the same celebration of light in the dark, of community in the cold, of sweetness in the ordinary.

That’s Halloween’s true treat. And it’s worth celebrating, no matter how old we are.